My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
