I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have aggressive nipples.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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