so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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