He is an equal opportunity slut.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
