If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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