dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
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i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
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Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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