I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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