Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
