He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
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You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
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You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".