so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.