Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.

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  (413): So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge. http://tfl.nu/jdua
  Replies (20) Good night (2304) Bad night (3928)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog

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  (908): you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog http://tfl.nu/njtd
  Replies (6) Good night (1375) Bad night (3115)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.

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  (918): Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help. http://tfl.nu/4c79
  Replies (8) Good night (1264) Bad night (3043)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.

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  (616): I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US (+44): Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange. http://tfl.nu/699w
  Replies (2) Good night (2200) Bad night (678)
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  (805): View more from California

  OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.

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  (805): OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine. http://tfl.nu/qt1j
  Replies (12) Good night (2740) Bad night (691)
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  (916): View more from California

  ............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help

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  (916): ............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help http://tfl.nu/sdm1
  Replies (6) Good night (578) Bad night (1726)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes

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  (386): I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes http://tfl.nu/04pj
  Replies (4) Good night (1276) Bad night (1075)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.

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  (941): Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door. http://tfl.nu/cryx
  Replies (5) Good night (492) Bad night (737)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.

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  (918): My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo. http://tfl.nu/6dok
  Replies (3) Good night (1017) Bad night (448)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.

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  (513): You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when. http://tfl.nu/o3c9
  Replies (6) Good night (1475) Bad night (451)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..

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  (256): my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". .. http://tfl.nu/y01m
  Replies (2) Good night (664) Bad night (936)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice

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  (402): Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice http://tfl.nu/0nos
  Replies (2) Good night (755) Bad night (332)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool

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  (775): Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool http://tfl.nu/1zs1
  Replies (3) Good night (1218) Bad night (323)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life

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  (715): Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life http://tfl.nu/t3rv
  Replies (2) Good night (318) Bad night (804)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.

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  (406): She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony. http://tfl.nu/xx47
  Replies (3) Good night (665) Bad night (389)

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