Texts From Last Night

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  (573): View more from Missouri

  i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru

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  (573): i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru http://tfl.nu/xoee
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.

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  (985): i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not. http://tfl.nu/eg76
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her

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  (203): Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her http://tfl.nu/iis3
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations

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  (416): I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations http://tfl.nu/ujgo
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness

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  (920): I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness http://tfl.nu/erni
  Replies (12) Good night (4788) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I was always good at matching as a child.

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  (614): she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her. (614): I was always good at matching as a child. http://tfl.nu/vx3e
  Replies (6) Good night (3536) Bad night (488)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?

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  (781): What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body? http://tfl.nu/d4hy
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy

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  (617): You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy http://tfl.nu/irre
  Replies (8) Good night (810) Bad night (2503) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?

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  (919): Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas? http://tfl.nu/7kpc
  Replies (6) Good night (1843) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops

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  (610): yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops http://tfl.nu/nsjn
  Replies (5) Good night (616) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.

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  (610): I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now. http://tfl.nu/akfs
  Replies (6) Good night (673) Bad night (1496) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?

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  (314): Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard? http://tfl.nu/d7iq
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago

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  (303): He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago http://tfl.nu/p1nu
  Replies (12) Good night (611) Bad night (1278) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.

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  (204): I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad. http://tfl.nu/nxn2
  Replies (5) Good night (828) Bad night (250) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.

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  (330): There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists. http://tfl.nu/kdms
  Replies (4) Good night (211) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt

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