You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better