We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
