I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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