He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
