I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
