remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
