Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Shame - the story of my life.
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