sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
