Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
