so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
