i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
