sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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