I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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