You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
