I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
