I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
