I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
