Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
