You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
