I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
