That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
