he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
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