so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
did you just send me my own nude
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
