I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
