So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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