Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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