champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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