I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
