dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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