it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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