I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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