Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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