well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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