need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
