She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
