just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
