maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize