She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
