guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
