are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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