Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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