You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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