i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
