They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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