i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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