I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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