sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
